When I was a kid, I had a red and yellow Little Tikes car. It was the one where you could fit in and ride around using your feet to push. I also grew up in a home with a circular upstairs layout that eventually led downstairs to the basement. For some reason, my sister had made me SUPER upset, so I decided it would be a good idea to chase her around the house and throw the Little Tikes car down the stairs trying to run her over.
Needless to say, there was a giant hole in the wall at the bottom of the steps when all was said and done.
I would suggest that sometimes your anger leaves a giant hole in your life because of the damage that it causes to your friendships, your relationships, your work, and even your ability to love yourself.
Anger is a consuming fire that if you don’t control will take over your life. But here’s the key: you are able to control it.
Here are 4 tips to mastering the art of self-control.
Take personal responsibility for your actions.
The very first step in battling anger is to realize that you are in a battle. You have the capacity to overcome this negative emotion and keep it from controlling your life – but a lot of us simply give up trying to deal with how we feel.
Specifically among men, anger is something that is justified very easily.
“The job is just too demanding.”… “They disrespected me.”… “They didn’t perform how they said they would.”… “Money is tight.”… “The kids stayed up all night again.”
There will always be a reason for you to feel angry and someone to blame. If you refuse to accept that YOU are the only person at fault for how you handle your anger, you will never control it in your life.
Taking personal responsibility simply means that you stop feeling entitled. Entitlement is the reason that you get angry.
You feel entitled to be treated a certain way and you feel entitled for everyone else to be efficient for you. Especially while driving. Road rage is real.
Entitlement and pride are the reason you lose control. Your lack of personal responsibility is killing your chances to deal with anger. Anger is not the root problem in this scenario.
Focus on helping other people grow.
Applying this step to your life will help with more than just your anger problem. You have one life, and you can use it to either build other people up – or build yourself up – and in turn tear other people down.
Related Book: Be a People Person by John C. Maxwell
Dealing with anger requires you to get outside of your own head.
Anger is a funny emotion. Somebody can say or do something that completely sets you off the deep end. You start yelling, breaking things, throwing whatever you can find. Sometimes you may not even have remorse for anything.
In your next conversation, though, someone else might get angry and start yelling, breaking things, and throwing everything in sight and it will completely turn you away from them.
“They’re being just a bit dramatic, if you ask me,” you’ll say. If you think this sounds hypocritical, you’re right! It is.
Focusing on other people and using your experience to help them grow will take out the spark that sets you off. Why? You were most likely originally set off because you were focusing on yourself, and someone else missed your expectation.
Should you help other people grow because you’re angry that they failed? No. Should you get angry if they fail while trying to grow? No!
Helping other people grow should flow out of your purpose. Your passion. Are you athletic? Help people find a suitable healthy lifestyle for themselves. Are you smart? Help someone around you learn something new.
This is bound to give you some perspective in life, and with perspective usually comes humility.
Find a way to get out of your natural mindset.
For me, it’s running. When I run, there is no denying that my mind becomes clear. Each thought becomes more and more free with each tree that I pass. My body becomes pushed to the point where I get out of my routine mindset and get “in the zone”. I can truly focus – and I can truly breathe. I don’t realize how little I actually remember to breathe until after I run.
What is that activity for you? What is something that you can do that totally clears your mind, that gives you the ability to breathe deeply without thinking about it?
For some, it’s riding motorcycles. The freedom of the open road. For others, it’s writing. Feeling the pen on the paper and releasing every thought. For others, it’s art. Watching their stress disappear onto the canvas.
You need to find a way of release. The less that you talk about your life and the more you let certain things build, the more prone to anger you will become.
Men find it difficult to truly open up about their life and share their feelings. Sometimes that’s not exactly needed, but it is needed to stop storing all of the stress and pressures of life inside your chest until it feels like exploding.
Study God’s Word.
James 1 discusses the problem of anger, saying that it is your responsibility to address your anger and to put away the “filth” that comes with it. Once you understand that this is YOUR responsibility, once you humble yourself to focus on others, and find other ways to get outside of your head, it is time to study God’s word and figure out how to apply it to your life.
James 1:22-25 “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.”
It is super important to study God’s word. It is super important to apply God’s word. It is super important to live as a person who follows God’s word.
The Bible is a living, breathing, book that comes alive with the power of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the power that lives within you to bring you peace, joy, and self-control.
If you are not a Christian, you do not have the Holy Spirit helping you – and therefore it is impossible for you to control your anger.
Mankind will forever be naturally selfish. We can’t help it! 10/10 times we will eventually do things that go against the commands of God.
That is why Jesus Christ died on the cross – to give us the ability to fellowship with God again and to give us the ABILITY to enter the presence of a living God. With Christ, God’s Spirit is able to enter our hearts.
Jesus is the salvation for eternity, yes, from heaven and hell. But he also brings abundant life on this current Earth and in your current state. Through the Holy Spirit, you have access to the freedom that comes in Christ.
You no longer need to be controlled by your emotions, especially your anger. Instead, you can be compelled by love, challenged by humility, and on a mission to care about other people.
It is unnatural to get outside your own head. That is why it first takes surrendering your life to Jesus. If you do not do this, your life will forever be controlled by your selfish desires.
Anger is your responsibility to get under control, but it is not within your own strength to do so. As you approach this topic of trying to become a kinder, more joyful, more purpose-driven human being, look to Jesus through God’s word as the only way to get you there.
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